Fucking Feelings

Is it possible to break up with a friend? If so, I think I’ve just been dumped.

I had a great weekend, or at least it started out like that.
I was in Vejle with my family sans my mother, because we’d been hired to come play with the kids at an event, since that’s kinda what my family does. It was fun but exhausting.
We stayed at a hotel Saturday night, after walking in the streets of Vejle, which btw is a very cute, though rainy, city. (The rain thing didn’t bother me since
I’m pretty used to it living here in Denmark).

IMG_1505
One of the many cute streets

I felt completely like a tourist in my own country and it was nice to just feel like you were in an entirely different world. If only just for a few days. The hotel we stayed at was really nice as well and after we’d eaten dinner we headed straight back there so we could get some much deserved sleep.
As you might be able to tell, all that didn’t sound horrible, but you just wait for it, ’cause it was after that things went to shit.

I was lying in bed texting this dude I’ve been flirting with, (shit I know right!? How that one happened I’ll get back to you with), and everything was pretty awesome, ’cause he’d kinda just confessed that he liked me and it was all very abnormal for me, because for once I actually felt the same.
I’m not saying that we’re getting married tomorrow and riding off into the sunset together on our pink unicorn, but at least we’re both on the same page, so we’re just gonna see where it leads.

Now, that is not the shitty thing, I’m getting to that now.

If any of you guys remember the post I wrote about the new friend I’d gotten and remember how excited I was, I’m sure you’ll be able to feel my pain.

The inevitable happened. (And I’m saying that ’cause I think I’ve known for a while, I just didn’t want to believe it, or at least consider the consequences).
I’ve known from the beginning that she was gay and lately I’d started to get the feeling that she might have feelings for me.
It turned out that I was right.

We texted a bit about it, and I told her I’d give her all the time and space that she’d need, I told her it didn’t bother me, I asked her if she still wanted to be friends, I said that I’d respect it if she didn’t want to, but all she could say to me was that she didn’t know.

I think she wanted me to be mad at her, but how could I? It’s not like feelings are something we can control.
I also said she could hate me if she wanted, even if I know it doesn’t work like that.

I want us to still be friends, but I have this feeling in my gut that she won’t want the same.
And if she does, I’m not sure we’ll be able to just start off where we left it before all of this.

Sometimes feelings ruin everything, but if we didn’t have them, we would be hella sad robot people.
I told her that as well.
She didn’t even acknowledge my attempt at a joke, all she asked me was if I didn’t like her back.
I felt awful, not being able to give her the answer that she wanted.


22 thoughts on “Fucking Feelings

  1. This is a really great honest post. I am sorry that you have for the moment lost a friend. But i know how hard it is to turn off feelings and revert back to friendship. Hopefully in time she will come around and you guys can start your friendship again.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww, i’m a great friend? I guess i can see that- i did walk you home when you got completely wasted and couldn’t walk in a straight line. But then again, what is straight about me? Am i right ladies?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It happened to me too. I told him that I didn’t want to lose him even if I knew that it would have been difficult for him to forget. So I left him space for himself to think and we haven’t heard each other for some months. Then I wrote him to speak and after a while he has understood that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship so he stayed. I think that you should tell her that you feel a big sense of friendship for her and let her think. If she’s a real friend she will stay, if she doesn’t stay it means that she wasn’t that friend you think she was and it would be better for you to just move on.
    I finally wanted to tell you that I really appreciate this post because of your capacity to speak so honestly about your problems in a blog… I can’t do it, if I could do it I would do as you did. I really appreciate this skill. Good luck for everything and if you need some help with other messes just contact me on my blog, I woul be very pleased.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, thanks a lot! I’m just gonna wait and see and then I’ll probably contact her when I get back from China or something. Hopefully she will have sorted something out at least, and she’ll want to talk to me.
      I’m glad you think this was honest, ’cause I really try to do my best:)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It happened to me too. what I suggest you to do is to tell her how much you care about your friendship and let her space to think because it’s really difficult to forget so the best way is to not speak to each other for some months. If you really care you will wait, it’s the only way to relieve a bit her pain. I know it will be painful for you too but you have to stay strong to save your friendship. If she really cares she will come back, if she doesn’t come back it means that her sense of friendship wasn’t so strong as you imagined. I hope I’ve been useful and if you need more help contact me in my blog. Ah, I wanted to tell you that I really appreciated your capacity to speak so honestly about your problems in you blog. Good luck for everything.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Once upon a time, a bisexual friend of mine began to develop feelings for me. Unfortunately, our friendship ended the day she admitted it. As for you, I’d say it’s very important to be as honest and kind as possible. As you know, there’s nothing you can do about her feelings. Let me know how it goes!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This hit home. I “broke up” with a best friend twice (two different people, but still) and it sucked. Big time. Actually, it was a lot like your situation. I was so sure that she just didn’t give a shit anymore, that she couldn’t return my feelings. So I ended it, because going on like that–wanting something from her she could never give me–hurt too much.

    I can’t really say whether or not your friend will come around. But if she doesn’t? Just remember that you’ll find someone to fill that space in your heart. I did, even if it hurt like hell for a while there.

    (P.S. Your “follow” button made me laugh.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry for you. It does hurt, I just really hope shell come around.
      I’ll make sure to remember that:)
      That’s awesome! I kinda thought that maybe it was too risky, but I just thought it was hilarious so I just went with it:P So glad someone other than me can appreciate it as well:D

      Like

  6. Tough situation, but you did her a favor by being honest and not lying and saying you liked her just because it’s what she wanted to hear. If it’s any consolation, you did the right thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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