I’ve Made A Choice

This past week has been… a lot of things, to say the least. There’s been a lot of feelings, thoughts and decisions involved. As the cherry on top, I’ve been sick as well, so yay, great week!
*Edit made 20 minutes later. Also, I just got my period. Like this week couldn’t get any worse! And I was wearing white underwear. My uterus must really hate me. Urgh. This is probably TMI but I just thought it was ironic and probably relatable as well*

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How I feel about this week

I’ll just say what’s happened without trying to go into too much detail about it, since it’s actually quite difficult to explain. (I kinda tried writing it down, but it got waaay too complicated so I decided to scratch that).

So here’s the thing: I’m no longer going to France as an exchange student for 6 months.
Some of you may remember that I’ve made a post about it, so if you’ve read that you know how much it meant to me, how it was my dream for several years and how hard I’ve been working to make it happen.

Let me just say that a lot of factors contributed to me making this decision. First I didn’t really have a choice, since attending high school afterwards suddenly turned out to get complicated because of it and I in no way wanted to jeopardize my future. But then stuff changed and the decision was solely in my hands.

I spent the entire Tuesday and Wednesday just thinking and thinking and thinking about my options. In the end I ended up choosing the one I felt the best about.
It’s not that I don’t want to go to France, I just think this little bump in the road was what made me really think about it for once. My mind has always just been set on it, I just had to do it, but I actually never really stopped to think and figure out why I wanted it so badly.
I guess I simply just changed my mind, and that has to be okay right? It’s not admitting defeat, it’s just wanting something else. And I mean, it’s not like I’m cancelling my dream of travelling, I’m just kinda postponing it a couple of years. Then when I’m done with high school I can travel. Maybe not as an exchange student in France, but in some other way.

As you may be able to understand it wasn’t an easy choice to make. (It might sound like it was easy, the way I wrote it, but I had to simplify it for you guys, so that’s probably why:P)
I cried, I had trouble sleeping and my head was constantly filled with thoughts.
I simply couldn’t understand how I could suddenly just want something else instead. I mean, I’ve really, really wanted this.

I think this is the most honest I’ve ever been with myself my entire life and all it took was one student counsellor saying something that didn’t fit in my plan. It’s funny how in touch you can get with yourself in just the span of a few days.

So yeah, that was the story of my tumultuous week. How was your week? If anyone can beat my emotional mess of a week, I’d love to hear about it, or if your week was ordinary as well. That might be refreshing ;P


26 thoughts on “I’ve Made A Choice

  1. I don’t think I should try to “beat” you in terms of having a emotional mess week, but I can relate to your week. I’ve had enough feels for a lifetime at this point 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I really admire your ability to embrace your choice in search of discovering what you truly desire to do. I must say that no matter what you decide and what others feel about how your choices line up with your destiny…you CAN do anything you have set your mind to do, whatever that may be. It’s all about our focus and mindset. Awesome post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You seem like the type of person who goes after what they want and gets it eventually… So I think you will reach your goal of traveling when the time is right.

    It’s okay to change your mind or priorities. I mean, it’s better to have changed your mind now instead of actually going out there half-heartedly and then realize that you had to go back…

    I hope you’re feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Firstly, it’s great to know that you love travelling.
    and secondly, that was a hard decision to make and it’s great taht you had the strength to think practically if that was what was needed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m pretty proud of myself too actually. Instead of just dismissing the mere idea of staying home I actually had the courage to think it through and decide against what I’d been planning on for 3 years. Honestly the outcome was quite unexpected 🙂

      Like

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